wroughtandtempered | SEASONS

[Wylan waits, his stomach tangling in tighter and tighter knots until he hears her voice.]

I still did want to apologize specifically for ignoring you when you asked when the last time I ate. I... I was too focused on myself and being stronger. You were right to call me out and to call Wash.

I hope I can make it up to you some time.

...thanks. For apologizing for that. I...

[ a pause, and then she sighs and lets the moment of wanting to guard herself against him go. ]

You hit a nerve. My... situation before the temple involved a lot of people trying to pretend I wasn't there, so. Thank you.

Anyway— I don't think you need to... well. Fuck, no, that's not true. If you want to make it up to me... just try to keep in mind we're here to support you, I guess? Which is probably harder than just doing something nice for someone else, but. It's important.

I.. [It is a lot harder to imagine that he still has friends after everything he's done. That he's worthy of friends.] I'm not sure I understand.

[Can't he try to bake some cookies or something else instead?]

[ she hums, thinking ]

Let me— I'll try to figure out the best way to word this. But first— can I ask why you thought you needed to be stronger?

[His immediate response is stopped up behind his lips, however if Eve is being open and honest with him, shouldn't he do the same?]

My father always said I was soft and feeble-minded. Duller than a child. Weaker than a spoiled fruit.

[A soft sigh.]

When Korone disappeared, I wanted to help her, yet-- I thought I could not do it in my current state. I was visiting with Relius for tutoring in other subjects when he suggested it.

[And Wylan is so easily suggestible. He knows it, Wash knows it, everyone seems to know it.]

He said it would make me strong, make me capable of hating my father. It very obviously did not do that. Relius said, I was not made of the correct materials to hate.

Edited 2024-07-16 01:44 (UTC)

...Oh.

[ it comes out more than a little stricken. it's one thing to know shit with Wylan's sperm donor was absolutely reprehensible; it's another to hear exactly what he said about his son from said son's own lips.

"make him capable of hating his father." fuck. Huw's mercy, she wants to bite something. ]

...That's not a bad thing. It's really not. If I thought it'd help— Wylan, if you ever need to hear the ways your father was wrong about you, or need it— shit, what's the word. Reframed? I'll talk your fucking ear off. But. I know hearing that sort of thing— it sinks in. It leaves marks.

[ a heavy sigh ]

And with all that— it's easy to think "well, shit, that's just how everyone's going to think of me." Right?

Edited 2024-07-16 01:58 (UTC)

[There's another soft sigh.] Wash has told me more than once how wrong my father is, but--

[A heavier sigh, one thick with emotion. He didn't mean to get into this with Eve. He already knows how tired and stressed Wash is, the last thing he needs to do is wear down someone else in his life.]

I'm sorry. I only wanted to apologize, not--

I'll let you rest now.

Hey. It's okay, I'm the one who brought it up, didn't I?

If you don't want to talk about it, then I'm sorry for getting into it. I'm just having an easier time if I distract myself with other people's shit. ...Apology received?

It would distract you?

[Wylan is cautious.] I want to help, not hurt.

It would. Gets me out of my head, a little. Just, mmn— let me know if I dig too hard, or something? I don't want to hurt you either, just maybe make it easier to untangle some shit.

You were right about the words sinking in. He eventually tried to kill me the first time because there was nothing else to be done with me. I couldn’t be fixed.

[Deep breath and a sip of water. Koronai has been teaching him things.]

So I do assume everyone must think like my father. Even Wash. Even you.

And I assume that one day I will no longer be useful to anyone here.

Edited 2024-07-16 02:25 (UTC)

[ she has to bite her lip— because the first words out of her mouth were almost "you're not useful now," and she knows that would be taken the worst way possible. there's got to be a better way to frame "you don't need to be useful to stay." ]

...Have we been useful to you? Or— wait, better way to put it. Is our being useful what's most important to you.

You’ve been very helpful, but it’s not what I find most important about you or Wash or Korone.

I care about each of you, outside of that.

[A pause. Wait a minute.]

It’s not the same.

[ she grins a little, unseen. how did MK put it? "uno reverse?" ]

It is. I know your gut's probably going to call bullshit on that, but it really is.

[Wylan needs a moment to digest the ~~uno reverse~~ turnabout he’s been given. And Eve is right, his instinct is to call, well, bullshit.

He supposes he had his father to blame for that, but maybe he should stop thinking if his father so much if he wants to try and get better.]

It is the same, isn’t it.

[Wylan sounds quietly but deeply surprised.]

Yeah. ...You're our friend, so— it's a privilege? To be able to help while you heal. Even if there's hiccups or whatever.

...it's probably going to be hard to make that thought stick. But if you want me to do a recording or something I fucking will.

Would a recording help?

[Wylan is genuinely curious. He’s still new to the land of recordings much more making an affirmational recording.]

It might. The other stuff got ground in through hearing it a lot and violence, right? Can't do as much about the second thing, but having an easy reminder to go to might counteract the first some.

I'd be happy to just tell you, too—I think any of us would—but. I know when I get really in my own head I don't want to do things I think of as "bothering" people? So. A recording.

A recording. [Wylan parrots back.] I suppose it can't hurt.

[A pause and then,] Thank you.

SEASONS - IC INBOX

Re: voice; Post-jar, Post-birthday, Pre-reflections

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