wroughtandtempered | SEASONS

—what the fuck?!

[ so that's a yes, ]

You think? Maybe?! And he still— what a fucking asshole!

[surprised blink at her reaction]

Oh. Oh, it does make a difference? I wasn't sure if I was overreacting.

[ ANGRY BRISTLING ]

You are not and yes it does?!

[ okay. uh. she is actually on the verge of starting to growl, so maybe she should calm down. taking... a deep breath... ]

...even if it was... no strings attached, or whatever? That's still letting someone in. So— you trusted and respected him? And he fucking stomped on that.

I did - I did, yes. I thought we were friends at the very least. And I - I wanted him to do well. To prove that he could be a 'real person', in the same way that I was given the chance to be a 'real person' despite never being intended to be. I was rooting for him! We both were!

[His voice is rising, and he stops and lowers it again.]

And he just used all of that good will and betrayed it.

[ ... ]

I think— if it wouldn't just hurt. I think you should yell "fuck him" as loud as you can make yourself.

[...Clears his throat.]

Fuck him.

[Not quite a yell, but the effort's there.]

[ ...nods, satisfied. being loudly and vocally angry doesn't come to everyone naturally and more importantly, he had the spirit. ]

Good. And— you might know this already? But it's also not your fault he fucked up at the thing you all wanted for him. He fucked it up for himself.

I know that, but I appreciate the reminder. [If he could only convince Saya it wasn't her fault either...]

-Thank you, Eve. I'm feeling a little better already.

[ sagely: ]

It's the yelling. There's a reason I'm one of the loudest bitches in the city when I get mad about something.

[ then, more seriously: ]

You're welcome, though. I'm glad I could help at all.

Goodness, I should raise my voice more often in that case.

-Ah, there is also one thing I was wondering. ...Is there a song for wolves when they're hurting?

[ a single tail wag. YES, KANTERA. LET IT OUT. ]

...Yeah. Different ones for physical or emotional pain— there are a lot of mourning songs.

[ though most of them were just variants on a theme. I'm here/location inquiry/relationship— I'm still here, where(why) have you gone? ]

Why?

I would like to know one for emotional pain. ...Sometimes 'tis still difficult for me to express those feelings in words, but singing - that might be easier, for me.

...oh.

[ it comes out a little cracked; she clears her own throat. ]

Anyone you want to aim it at? Or just... "ow, I hurt, and I don't fucking care who knows."

[oh no eve,]

Ah... at pack, please?

At pack... okay. ...Do you have a window I can sing out of? It's— I can't really half-ass that.

[ she could try, but she's also been dealing with enough of her own shit that she would probably mess it up immediately. better to just commit. ]

[Part of him thinks - it's not a song that he expects to ever hear her sing willingly for herself. But if he ever does hear it from her, he wants to recognize it for what it is.

He opens a window for her that shows the backyard and the hot springs there.]

By all means.

[ nods, and comes over to the window to all buthalf flop herself out of it. this is... it feels a little like getting naked? but it's also something she wants him to have, if he needs it, so...

she throws her head back and wails.

there is a song to it—a cascade of raw minor notes—but it's about as subtle as a sledgehammer. it's obviously a distress call, meant to be sung as loud as possible: I'm here, I hurt, help me.

Eve trails off as she runs out of air, then hiccups as though to start again before clearing her throat ]

...Like that.

[Ah. He feels like even without her telling him, he might have been able to guess what that meant, roughly.

He sticks his head in the window, takes a deep breath, and lets out a wail echoing her own, much louder than his curse from before. I'm here, I hurt, help me. She is giving him this; he has the right to use it, and to be heard.

He ends up coughing for a few moments when his breath runs out.]

...Thank you.

[ she squeezes her eyes shut and hesitates only the barest amount before overlapping her voice with his— holding back enough he's unmistakably the main melody, but underscoring it with her own: I'm here/defiant/adversaries. not something she's felt in her heart to sing for herself lately, but—

she will absolutely sing it for Kantera, right now. she can't help directly, but she can absolutely call a warning to anyone who might want to take advantage of his pain. that's what pack is for.

as he finishes— as they both finish— she slides off the sill to sit heavily down on the floor inside, tail tucked. fuck, but her eyes sting. ]

...welcome.

Did it help?

Edited 2024-06-26 05:21 (UTC)

-Yes, it did. I think I needed that.

[His throat is raw, but he feels better in some inexplicable way. Like he'd yelled out all his hurt feelings until they didn't hurt as much.

He sits next to her and gently bumps her shoulder with his.]

[ she counterleans a little. ...hums, quietly thoughtful, then says: ]

Use your diaphragm more next time, you don't want to strain your throat to get loud.

[ in other news: it's starting to smell like baked goods and jasmine tea. ]

Thank you for the advice, I'm not used to being loud.

[...Sniffs.]

That smells delicious. Is that...?

[ ...thumps her tail against the ground, looking faintly smug ]

You'll see.

-I know I invited you to spoil me, but I'm still somehow surprised about being spoiled, goodness.

A clear sign it needs to happen more often.

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